#I'm a fan of Baster

[kmp78]

"Pokey? What are we 12? For adult women .. who the fuck calls a d*ck pokey?"

Anon doesn't like what we're currently calling Jared's penis, sorry, dick. Here are some other options they might approve of:

Anaconda, appendage, baby maker, baguette, banana, baton, big boy, bobbin, bone, boner, bratwurst, bulge, burrito, butt dart, cane, cannoli, captain winky, carrot, chub, chubby, clit stick, club, cobra, cock, commander, corn dog, corporal, cucumber, custard launcher, D, dagger, danger noodle, deep sea diver, ding dong, dipstick, dong, firehose, gherkin, hammer, hard-on, heat seeking missile, hercules, hoo-ha, hotdog, jackhammer, jawbreaker, jimmy, jizz launcher, johnson, joystick, junior, junk, knob, lady-pleaser, length, lightning rod, log, lollipop, long john, longfellow, magic stick, magic wand, manhood, meat stick, member, Mr. Happy, mushroom, organ, package, pecker, pee pee, peen, piece, pleasure stick, pocket rocket, pogo stick, prick, private, python, rod, sausage, schlong, screwdriver, secret weapon, snake, spear, squirt gun, staff, stallion, stiffie, stud, submarine, super soaker, tallywhacker, thingy, third leg, thrill drill, throbber, thunderbolt, tickle pickle, titan, tool, tree trunk, tri-pod, turkey baster, unit, unmentionable, valiant vein, velvet sword, volcano, wang, warrior, weapon, wee wee, weiner, wenus, willy, wingman, winky, wishbone, wood, woody, worm, yard stick, yule log, zeppelin, and zucchini.

Man, with soo many choices, maybe I SHOULD look into doing fan fic! 🤭🤭

CAPTAIN WINKY!!!!! 😂😂😂

I'm keeping that one. ✔️

[fortheb0ys]

NOT THE TURKEY BASTER 😭😭 but I'm getting out the baby name websites rn ✍️✍️

I normally am not a fan of men being so beefy and having 0 hair, because why are you extra naked

But John being soo smooth is perfect, need to see him oiled up or something ✋

ALSO him and Vig canonically already having had a threesome 😭😭😭 KINGS, now let them kiss next, get the woman out of the way next time

I also love when the hyperfixations get so bad that you start dreaming about them because I literally had a dream about Cpt Boomerang and one with Ghost mixed with dead by daylight of all things. The brain rot is getting to me

But I love John Cena, I love him as Chris, I loved him as Merman Ken

-🥭

I LOVE MEN IN ALL THEIR FORMS BUT JOHN'S BODY IS SOOO YUMMY🤤

You see I'm like the opposite! I love a burly man with no hair. What people consider 'peak masculinity' with a touch of 'femininity' with a hairless body I LITERALLY CAN'T😩🙏 I COULD WRITE POETRY ABOUT THAT SHIT!!! THO SKINNY TO CHUBBY, HAIR TO NO HAIR, SHORT OR TALL I JUST LOOOOOOVVVEEE MENNNNNN BARK BARK🐕🐕

They fuck, it's canon! Peacemaker has no interest in Harcourt at all! James Gunn sent me an email telling me himself🙏

I can't stop daydreaming it's actually soooo painful😭 Like i have work, I have school, I have a social life and I can't be thinking about white men 24/7. They haunt my every hour, asleep and awake!!

Also it's the way that John's wig was better than Dua Lipa that's got me💀

[basterbinkers]

holy shit somehow this got buried in my notifs and i only just saw this by chance today?? i'm extremely flattered for the tag, @deanwinchestersfloralwallpaper??? thank you????

name: alabaster (but baster is fun and easier to say) (also an internet name)

pronouns: he/they/she

where do you call home?: the question of all questions. honestly? well okay. we'll go with the easy answer and say texas.

favorite animal: at the risk of establishing a pattern i'll say cats. when i was maybe seven? i made a powerpoint all about lions (my then favorite animal), but how could i now neglect tigers and caracals and jaguarundis and the everyday house cat? so cats it is.

cereal of choice: honestly not much of a cereal fan, but i used to be very fond of cheerios. i also like those frosted wheatie little guys because they shred nicely.

are you an auditory, visual, or kinesthetic learner?: i'd probably say visual, as i'm really not great with auditory learning (i have long since said goodbye to educational podcasts, they simply do NOT stick in my brain), and while kinesthetic learning is nice, i'm usually more visual.

first pet: my family has had a rather storied history with pets, but my first OFFICIAL pets were bunnies, which we got when i was about eleven. loved them lots and i want to get a bunny again someday once i'm out on my own.

favorite scent: i really don't have one, i don't think. i like scents well enough, but i don't think about them terribly often.

do you believe in astrology: nah. i'm a gemini, if you want to come to conclusions about me, but i've never taken astrology seriously in the slightest. big fan of star imagery though.

how many playlists do you have on spotify/apple music?: i... just counted... around 98 playlists on spotify... but i really use youtube music nowadays, and i only regularly listen to about four of those or something. but yeah. 98 playlists :]

sharpies or highlighters?: sharpies all the way.

song that makes you cry?: i'm giving three for the price of one for this question, because none of these make me cry unless i think about them for too long. "cautionary tale" by matteo bocelli for the three thousand years of longing soundtrack, "love me like there's no tomorrow" by freddie mercury, and "the world we knew (over and over)" by frank sinatra

song that makes you happy?: okay so i've been really into the greatest living show by toby fox and itoki hana lately? it's just such a fantastic animation, and the music makes me smile.

and finally, do you write/draw/create?: i do write, i wish i drew, and i enjoy handicrafts! i've spread myself too thin with writing lately, and have like. four wips that i'm actively working on and that's really not conducive to actually writing, so. we shall be resolving that. i desperately need to draw more than i do, but over the summer i've been sewing quite a lot, and i've prepared myself an embroidery project to work on over the school year while i'm in college (alongside my job at the college theatre costume shop). so yeah!

Tagging: @jfkisonthemoon @squeeegs @cawareyoudoin @yellowistheraddest and yeah, literally anyone else who wants to join in too!

tag game

thanks for the tag @saengak!! these are some good questions!!

name: mar

pronouns: she/her

where do you call home? a little place i like to call "east california"

favorite animal: CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CATS CAAAAAAAATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cereal of choice: peobably a toss-up between life and froot loops tbh

are you a visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learner? i am one of those infuriating-to-work-with people because i am physically incapable of doing something unless i am instructed visually, aurally, and THEN kinesthetically in that order. twice

first pet: cat, naturally <3

favorite scent: i never look at the labels on candles when i sample them, but i think i like lavender?

do you believe in astrology: that stuff makes no sense to me whatsoever, congratulations or sorry that happened

how many playlists do you have on spotify/apple music? several of them are just my family members' playlists but i regularly use 3 playlists and then i have about 3 more that i play every once in a while when i get bored of the same songs

sharpies or highlighters? highlighter supremacy!! neon color supremacy!!

song that makes you cry? old soul by saint motel :,)

song that makes you happy? the riddle by gigi d'agostino!

and finally, do you write/draw/create? i haven't written anything in a while but i guess i do! i don't draw though

tagging @deanwinchestersfloralwallpaper @blueisglueredisdead @awkwxrdapple @nicejobkid @doodledraw @ladywaffles @ilsastrenchcoat @airlocksandaviaries @redbelles @starryinspace @taeminsairpods @faeratil @browneyeslouis @waterandsilver @wasp-coffee @brendaonao3 and anyone else who wants to!

[fawneei]

Baster <3 He's my favorite fantroll from @snazzyvegetable and the Baster things she reblogs are funny I had wanted to draw him for quite some time but I'm bad at males and didn't want to draw something that would look bad... he has muscles but here he looks like he doesn't have them xD I'm sorry i think this doesn't look that bad haha also hope you like it <3

[edgarsabandonedrocketship]

You are morons ot is Betty's test not Alice test. Pikens is Barchie's baby from the future and Tabetha will time and help them. Watch you will see.

Dear Astoundingly Acrobatic Anon,

The human body is truly an amazing thing, but it does have limits. As such, I hope you’ve managed to de-pretzel-fy yourself after so much twisting. 

Your ask, however troll-y it appears, does meet my threshold for the sheer effort it must’ve taken to concoct. Therefore, I’ll attempt to respond, although I’m confused as to why you’re bothering me (I’m assuming you were offended by my Barcousins post earlier? For the record, I foresee quadruplets who all carry the Serial Killer Jeans™).

Anyhoo…

If I’m interpreting this ask correctly, you’re suggesting that Percival Pickens—that mean-spirited dude with a British accent who’s hellbent on Riverdale’s utter destruction—is somehow the lovechild of Betty and Archie. From the future. 

Anon, is this an outcome you’d actually be happy with? Personally, I can’t really see an upside for your ship were it to play out this way. After all, the easiest solution to a couple discovering their future progeny is Super Evil seems fairly straightforward, doesn’t it? Said couple could simply ensure that they stop potentially sharing any biological material henceforth. You know, by breaking up.

The next part of your ask is somewhat more confusing. What, exactly, do you believe Tabitha’s role will be in all of this? What is it that she’ll be timing and helping “them” with? Like, will she bake Betty and Archie Sin Pies to enhance fertility? Will she stand by, armed with a turkey baster and a stopwatch? Will she actively participate in the fun itself? I’ve gotta say, I’m seriously intrigued by the possibilities here…

I'm afraid I've run out of things to say about this. Despite being a huge fan of all things Rivercrack, it seems your theory exceeds my limitations for dreaming up bizarre scenarios. You should really consider turning this into a fic for your fandom (post it on a dedicated fanfiction site, please, not in my or anyone else's inbox). While perhaps a bit niche, there’s an audience for just about everything these days.

With lukewarm regards and appreciation for the laughs,

edgarsabandonedrocketship

[coffeeshelves]

ok im like 75% of the way thru it according to libby and im going insaaaaaaaaane. damaya is syenite who is also probably essun

funnily enough syenite's passages have become my fav even though i still really like reading abt damaya and schaffa and her time at fulcrum (<-still a big sucker for academy stories/characters learning to control their power. even tho i havent been in school for years)

i dont know how to feel abt the whole syenite/alabaster thing thoooooooo i guess its the natural progression of their relationship but. hmm. not sure how to parse it

i do like the addition of innon tho and their like weird polycule thing. im so glad the domestication doesnt last though bc i am NOT a big fan of domesticity in stories like, at all. im glad jemisin spends only half a chapter on how theyre living in meov because oh my god i would get so bored so quickly if i had to read abt her and alabaster taking care of a kid

i have a lot of praise for this book ngl but one of the minor things that irk me is like. how the author constantly shortens people's names. like i get (i guess) syen from syenite but what REALLY threw me off is early on during syenite and alabaster's trip when syenite just. called him 'baster out of no where. i was like huh??????????????????????? i'm not a big fan of nicknames i guess

u guys. i started reading the fifth season

GAPED I TELL U. I AM GAPED

the sections w damaya and schaffa so far are def my faves and its so insane how it was like. omggg schaffa taking her awayyyy schaffa her new friend!!

and then you get to their second chapter and he breaks her hand and its like. oh. ok

i have many thoughts about orogenes and guardians and i will return to them when im more cohesive. but omg

i like the narration of damaya's chapters too i think second person is very fitting for a woman who's probably a little disassociated since she lost her kid. jury's still out abt hoa tho

and ngl i dont really care for syenite yet altho ive only read one chapter of hers. the whole like. she's gotta get preggo to birth a strong orogene is gross. really gross. but in the context of the book i get it

[nintendroid]

Soulja Boy is now the CEO and owner of Atari.

I really don't know what to add to that. It's like some weird fake headline you'd see in Pluto Nash or something.

Best case scenario: Soulja keeps Atari pumping out "plug-and-play" consoles loaded with their old titles, sits back and collects his cash.

Worse case scenario: Tries to do what he did with his own "brand" of consoles and sneaks a bunch of emulators and pirated roms on the Atari VCS and sells it leading to a legal poo-storm for all of us to watch and enjoy.

A part of me wants the worse care scenario - just so I can own an official Atari console loaded with pirated software, but I'm going to take the high road and wish the best.

Atari selling to Soulja Boy feels like a desperation move to stay relevant - something they've struggled with since the 90s. It worked, it got all of us talking, but will that be enough to carry the Atari brand? Soulja is not this grand entrepreneur he sees himself as. He's a guy that made enough of a name for himself that he can slap it on a turkey baster and enough of his fans will buy it. This will be a true test of if he's actually who he says he is. Does he have the passion and the vision to do something special with Atari, or will he just continue pimping the name out like they've done since the death of the Jaguar?

Also, I take offense to the media claiming he's the first rapper to own a video game company. Have we forgot about this baller that owns Coleco?

I hate it here.

[cyberwavelit]

Super Slug - Short Story

Day 0 of Transformation: I can’t believe no one’s done this before! I'll be the first person to achieve super human status! I mean sure there are people who have crazy abilities like super binge-watching, super binge-eating, and super screaming but no one has tried to splice animal genes with human genes to archive biochemical superiority! I'm not really into science but I found this new slug cleanser thing that helps with dry skin. If I can manage to use the same method of "extraction" (a word I learned from a science articles) I can use sea slug DNA to make my skin toxic and I'll be able to slide on walls! What do I know though? I'm just a full-time food blogger.

 

Day 1 of Transformation: So, the DNA mixer thing was kind of a bust. I had to get some refurbished nanoscanners and a molecular printer (whatever that is!) to get the serum right. Damn thing took all night to run in the centerfruge. I poured out the slug compound into the kitchen sink and now I’m getting to ready for a test run. I figured it would be green but it has more of a yellow tinge to it. Just have to use a turkey baster to inject the stuff into well…the rear entry. Tetro...tredo...tedrodoxinaor -- whatever, it’s going to turn me into a super human. Wish me luck!

 

Day 2 of Transformation: I injected the doxinator yesterday and I feel great! Besides the constant diarrhea and itchy skin, I think I'm doing pretty good. I have the costume ready to go. The fabric is body forming but in dark alleys and on roof tops the super villains won’t see my rolls. The slug logo was a little on the nose but they'll get the idea. Kinda hard use the sewing machine when your fingers are all sticky. Little bit achy too. Speaking of nose and pus, my nose has been oozing since last night. Probably just a side effect. Time to watch some Space Trek.

 

Day 3 of Transpirnation: Had a weird dream about a lizard trying to eat me. Maybe that means my mortal enemy should be a salamander or oh! a chameleon. "The Chameleon." Scary! He (or she!) could fight me in the sewers where I’d have my secret base. My head feels a little woozy which kinda heightens my perception of reality, like getting over a cold. I'm more concerned over the fact that I can’t eat fries anymore. The salt turns my insides into mush and I still have snot bubbles. My eyes are starting to bulge too. Maybe I’ll have super vision.

 

Day 4 of tranpirntation: I do not have super vision. Turns out I might be going bind. It's becoming harder to write these journal posts. I'm becoming less excited about becoming a super hero. It's not as fun as I thought. I’m asking my fans to keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I never assumed changing into something more powerful would be painless but this kinda sucks...My skin is starting ooze and my clothes are getting ruined. I’ll have to stay in the bathturb for a while.

Update 7:03 PM: I can longer go to the bathroom. Eyes are bleeding.

 

Dau 5 of tramsnorion: lost fingnenails. Only thing I can keep down is leetus and small bugs. Cant hold down nachos. Cant hold mouse without slipping out of hand. Horrible smell come up from the belches. Not sure if super serum or roaches. They try to claw their wauy out but taste ok after suome chewing. Skin melting off. Eyes hanging from sockets. Cat is missing. I smell dirt. Neighbor came banging on door abut the wuater from the tub, compleining about leakge. This will be all over soon. Chaenge is always difficult. Going to check teeth. I think they’re getting loose. Ill be super powered when this os ofver.

Update 6bm: realizing this was mistaak

 

Daw 8 of trans: lost 48 hors. Throte filng with fluwid. Fell unconktious in tub of water. Eyes growing into cheeks. Can barely move. Boudy ish bigger and slimie. Feel bloated. Hair, toenails gone. Not good. Everythang slower. Thoghts are slower. Everthfng withering. Moving ish sloweir. Laptop getting wet. Skin gone over fingers, typing with tips of beon fingers. Veary painfull.  My insides are gello. Iy can taste blood. Also throwing up liquid tisseue. Cant get out of tub. Cant go on. Please heulp please healp

 

Dhduej7& cauntcant. Hlphlphlp mfh#hep l ea se